Depressed Pregnancy
孕鬱 / 7 color photographs, 2001-2014 and going on
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Statement /
孕鬱
孕鬱
我和我的身體在一個小小的生命入侵後
變得無法自主的行動與思考 昏眩、噁心、無力、疼痛…… 孕症猶如止不住血的傷痕 不停息地摧殘著我 大量完美母親的影像 一種犧牲自我的亙古典範 猶如巨大漩渦 誘使我無可自拔之地墜入 我的心如同我懷孕的身體 被壓制入幽暗鬱悶的空間 懼怕與厭惡 籠罩著我對我母職的想像 我的身體與自我開始逐漸地支離破碎 我可以感受到無我的命運已遞交給我 好想脫逃 但我能嗎? |
My body and my mind felt invaded by a presence
that made me feel out of control and reluctant to take action. Dizzy, sick, painful, powerless… All the symptoms of pregnancy were like scars carved into me, bringing an incessant undermining of physical action. A large number of images of motherhood expressing the ideal of virtue sacrificed created a whirlpool, pulling me into a helpless situation. My mind, set in a pregnant body, felt drawn into a dark and depressing space. Fear and detestation filled my imagination – so unlike the idealised expectations that society has of motherhood. My body and mind had been fragmented. At this moment began the feeling of selflessness, a fateful surrender. Hopelessly, I was depressingly sealed in the domestic sphere and was gradually disappearing. I wanted to escape. Could I? |